It’s interesting for me to write about self-love after my
most recent blog was about how we are shaped by the people with whom we spend
the most time. I think that recognizing and
understanding the interplay between these two critical dynamics – one directed
inward and the other outward – is our life’s work.
The more clients I work with in my health coaching practice,
the more I believe that the real power of the process is that it empowers people
to understand and accept themselves and because of that, to decide to take the
best care of themselves that they can. This
self-love spreads to wanting to take care of family and friends and even to
make larger-scale changes in the world, and this is the “Ripple Effect” described
by Integrative Nutrition’s founder, Joshua Rosenthal (www.integrativenutrition.com/about).
Before we get too carried away, though, here are some
thoughts on ways to deepend your understanding and appreciation of yourself. And by the way, I fully appreciate that
sometimes life feels so busy and overwhelming that spending time on your
relationship with yourself seems impossible and possibly irrelevant and
silly. That’s ok – just read on and file
these ideas away, and pull them out when you do have a moment to breathe –
it’ll happen!
Breathe (what a coincidence)
– When we’re stressed it’s common for us to shorten our breath, tighten our
muscles, and steel ourselves for whatever threat we’re facing – physical or
emotional, real or perceived. The truth
is that we are much better able to cope and will start to connect with
ourselves, by becoming aware of our breath.
Slow it down. Close your eyes and
breathe slowly through your nose.
Ideally, pause for a beat or two after you inhale, before exhaling
slowly and smoothly. Here’s a link to a
recent Andrew Weil column describing several breathing techniques: www.drweil.com/drw/u/ART00521/three-breathing-exercises.
Meditate – and I use that
term loosely. Conscious breathing is
meditative. Yoga can be meditative, as
can walking or running outdoors, listening to or playing music, petting your
dog or cat, hugging your partner or child, chopping vegetables, or doing
anything else that slows you down and helps you to empty your mind of the
chatter. Here is a link to one of my
other favorite sites, on meditation: www.zenhabits.net/meditate.
Listen and Watch – I’m talking about
listening and watching your own mind. Sit
still and close your eyes. What thoughts
float by? What songs pop into your head? What images do you see? What do you think it means? This could be described as analysis of your
waking dreams and can be fascinating.
Dream (you knew this was
coming) – Of course, tuning into your dreams is also a great way to get in
touch with yourself and your unconscious.
Julia Cameron, author of books such as The Artist’s Way (www.juliacameronlive.com), advocates
writing “Morning Pages” upon waking, to capture your dreams, thoughts and
feelings while still in a semi-conscious state.
Remember – Allow yourself to
think back to your past – to happy and sad and just regular times. Give yourself permission to feel the feelings
that come up, and begin to perceive patterns between your past and present. My mom has been living on her own in Florida
for 10 years now, and while she keeps herself busy with music, tutoring, and
ushering, she also has a lot of unscheduled time. She has told me that with more space and time
in her life, it is amazing what she remembers about the past – and doubtless
connects to her present. My mom is not a
big fan of the concept of “happiness,” true to her German and Norwegian roots,
but she is a model of contentment.
Imagine – Take time to
envision and plan for your future.
Intriguing research at Stanford and NYU has shown that those with
greater ability to imagine their future selves (as measured by the location of
brain activity) make better choices today – from flossing their teeth to saving
for retirement. They actually have
greater financial assets and are more likely to own their own home than those
less able to project themselves into the future. There is evidence that this skill can be
learned – another study showed that simply exposing research subjects to
age-advanced pictures of themselves (the magic of Photoshop!) was related to
their making longer-term decisions about how they’d spend an unexpected $1000,
vs. those gazing at their current images (see link to New York Times article
below).
I’m sure you’re all thinking about how making good food & exercise choices today affects you positively
now, and sets you up for a healthier and happier future too!
“Bad Habits? My
Future Self Will Deal With That” www.nytimes.com/2012/02/25/business/another-theory-on-why-bad-habits-are-hard-to-break-shortcuts.html?_r=1&scp=1&sq=bad%20habits%20february%2025&st=cse
